Pinwheel of Death

Olga James


SONGS

Writers Jerry Bock, Larry Holofcener, George David Weiss

Genres Showtune, Marriage

Recorded 1956

Lyrics SO YOU WANT TO GET YOUR MAN,
SO YOU WANT THE GUY
TO MARRY YOU,
SO YOU WANT THE GUY
TO CARRY YOU
THROUGH HIS DOORWAY.
IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR MAN,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BEG
OR SHAKE THE GUY,
'CAUSE I KNOW THE WAY
TO MAKE THE GUY
GO YOUR WAY:

TALK TO HIM,
TELL HIM
THAT HE'S GRAND,
TELL HIM
THAT YOU'VE PLANNED
YOUR LIFE
WITH HIM IN MIND.
TALK TO HIM,
TELL HIM
HOW YOU CRAVE,
HOW YOU'LL EVEN SLAVE
FOR HIM
IF HE'S INCLINED.
TELL HIM
YOU'LL GIVE ALL YOU'VE GOT,
HE'LL MARRY YOU
ON THE SPOT.
I'M VERY SURE,
BUT IF NOT:

HIT HIM!
HIT HIM,
SMASH HIM,
BELT HIM,
BASH HIM,
SLUG HIM,
SLASH HIM,
BANG HIM
IN THE HEAD.
MAUL HIM,
MOP HIM,
CLOP HIM,
CLOB HIM,
BANG HIM
IN THE EYE,
RAP HIM
IN THE TEETH.
MURDER HIM,
MANGLE HIM,
FRACTURE HIM,
STRANGLE HIM,
BUT FIRST,
TALK TO HIM.

COOK FOR HIM,
THAT'S WHERE WOMEN SHINE,
POUR A LITTLE WINE
FOR HIM BY CANDLEGLOW.
COOK FOR HIM,
COOK A FANCY DISH,
OPEN UP SOME VICHYSSOISE
AND WATCH HIM GO.
STEAK
THAT IS JUICY
AND THICK,
CAKE
AND CHAMPAGNE
FOR A KICK.
WHAT IF THAT
WON'T TURN THE TRICK?

KICK HIM!
KICK HIM,
CRACK HIM,
WHIP HIM,
WHACK HIM,
SMEAR HIM,
SMACK HIM,
HIT HIM
WITH A BAT.
PUNCH HIM,
SOCK HIM,
SCRATCH HIM,
KNOCK HIM,
BITE HIM
ON THE ARM,
SLAP HIM
IN THE PUSS.
TACKLE HIM,
TRAMPLE HIM,
CRIPPLE HIM,
TORTURE HIM,
BUT FIRST,
TALK TO HIM.

MAKE LOVE TO HIM,
LOOSEN UP
THOSE HIPS,
PUCKER UP
THOSE LIPS
AND COME TO GRIPS
WITH HIM.
MAKE LOVE TO HIM,
GET HIM ALL AFLAME,
PLAY A LITTLE GAME
OF FINGERTIPS WITH HIM.
GIVE HIM A SHOW
FOR HIS DOUGH,
RIGHT FROM HIS HEAD
TO HIS TOE.
WHAT IF YOUR FELLA
SAYS NO?

SLUG HIM!
SLUG HIM,
MUG HIM,
BURN HIM,
SHOVE HIM,
SHOOT HIM,
STAB HIM,
PUSH HIM
OFF A CLIFF.
CRUSH HIM,
BOMB HIM,
DROWN HIM,
KILL HIM,
HIT HIM
WITH AN AXE,
BURN HIM
ALIVE.
POISON HIM,
SMOTHER HIM,
BUTCHER HIM,
SLAUGHTER HIM.

BUT FIRST
BEFORE YOU COOK FOR HIM
OR EVEN MAKE LOVE,
TALK.
TALK.
MAKE SURE
YOU TALK TO HIM.