Pinwheel of Death

Karen Mason


SONGS

Writers Fred Ebb, John Kander

Genres Showtune, Food

Recorded 1991

Lyrics I'LL BET
YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL CELEBRITIES.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN
MAKE A POT ROAST.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST YOU BROWN AN ONION.
IS YOUR PICTURE
UP AT SARDI'S?
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN CLEAN AN OVEN.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST YOU GET
THE E-Z OFF!

AH,
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S
ESTATE.
AH,
THE MEAT IS ALWAYS LEANER
ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S
DINNER PLATE.

BUT YOU CAN SEW
A BUTTON ON.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
BET YOU GO TO DISCOS.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST YOU TAKE
A VALIUM!
I CAN SEE YOU
PLANNING PICNICS.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
EATING
AT THE WHITE HOUSE!
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST THEY PASS
THE JELLY BEANS.

AH,
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S
FRONT LAWN.
AH,
SOMEBODY ELSE'S WIENER
ALWAYS HAS
A LOT MORE RELISH ON.

YOU SAVED THE WHALES
IN NEW FOUNDLAND.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN RUN A HOUSEHOLD.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST YOU HAVE
A BREAKDOWN.
YOU'RE ALWAYS
IN THE MAGAZINES.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN HOLD A HUSBAND.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE
THAN HUSBANDS.
I COULD USE A HUSBAND
YOU CAN HAVE MY HUSBAND.
I'VE ALREADY HAD YOUR HUSBAND!

AH,
IT MAKES YOU KIND OF TEARY.
AH,
THINK ABOUT IT,
DEARIE.
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
IN SOMEONE ELSE'S YARD.
IT'S HARD!

I'LL BET YOU ALWAYS RIDE
IN LIMOUSINES.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU'VE GOT TIME
FOR LUNCHEONS.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST YOU SELL
THE TUPPERWARE.
THE PUBLIC
WANTS YOUR AUTOGRAPH.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU RAISED
A TEENAGED DAUGHTER.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST YOU FIND
HER DIAPHRAGM.

AH,
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
WHERE SOME OTHER TENANT
PAYS RENT.
AH,
THE TEETH ARE ALWAYS CLEANER
IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S
POLIDENT.

DO YOU KNOW
WHO YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE?
THAT'S WONDERfUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU KNOW RONA BARRETT.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
FIRST YOU KEEP
YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
I BET YOU SQUEEZE
THE CHARMIN.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN MAKE HEADLINES.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
WHAT'S SO WONDERFUL?
I'D RATHER HAVE
A POT ROAST.
SO GO BROWN AN ONION.
AND HAVE SOME PEACE
AND QUIET.
YOU'VE ALREADY HAD MY HUSBAND!

AH,
EVERYONE'S A VICTIM
OF THIS DUCKY
LITTLE DICTUM:
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER
IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S YARD.
IT'S HARD!