Pinwheel of Death

Jessica Boevers


SONGS

Writers Paul McKibbins, BT McNicholl

Genres Showtune

Recorded 2002

Lyrics verse 1:
CHARLES WAS AN ARTIST.
A LOVER OF THE LOUVRE.
HE SWORE HIS HEART WAS MINE.
BUT I FOUND HIM WITH MIMI,
A PAINTING PAL FROM PARIS,
ADMIRING HER DESIGN.
SO, I DOCTORED UP
HER SKETCHINGS
WITH SOME ETCHINGS
OF MY OWN.
TO SHOW
HER LACK OF SKILL
AND BREAK HIS HEART!
unpitched patter:
BUT CHARLES LOVED
ze color
AND
ze daring use of shadow.
sung:
SO HE TOOK HER
TO THE LOUVRE
WHERE SHE WAS CROWNED
THE QUEEN OF MODERN ART!

Chorus 1:
I HAD THE PERFECT PLAN
TO LAND THE MAN OF MY DREAMS.
ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS
THAT JUST WHEN
I'M ABOUT TO HEAR
THAT LOHENGRIN SONG,
THE BEST LAID
PERFECT PLAN
GOES WRONG.

verse 2:
EDDIE WAS A DANCER,
A STEP ABOVE ASTAIRE,
BUT HE CHOSE ME
FROM THE GIRLS.
THEN I FOUND HIM
WITH TRINKA,
A BEAUTY
FROM THE BOLSHOI,
ENTANGLED
IN TANGO TWIRLS.
SO TO RUIN HER SENSE
OF RHYTHM
WHEN SHE'S WITH 'M
ON THE STAGE,
I DROPPED A COCKROACH
DOWN THE DRESS SHE'D WORN!
unpitched patter:
HER BODY STARTED JERKING
AND HER FEET BEGAN A-TWISTING,
SO HE BROUGHT HER TO NEW YORK
WHERE SHE STARTED A NEW DANCE.
sung:
AND THAT IS HOW
THE CHARLESTON WAS BORN.

Chorus 2:
I HAD A PERFECT PLAN
TO BAG THE MAN OF MY DREAMS.
ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS
THAT JUST WHEN
THERE'S A CHARMING LITTLE CHAPEL
IN SIGHT,
THE BEST LAID
PERFECT PLAN
GOES RIGHT DOWN THE TOILET!
BUT WHY
SHOULD THAT SURPRISE ME?
I'VE NEVER BEEN TAUGHT
THE GAME OF LOVE.
I LEARNED FRENCH
AT BRYN MAWR,
A MATISSE FROM RENOIR
AND HOW TO USE
A CULTURED TONE.
BUT WHEN IT COMES
TO OTHER WOMEN,
ADVICE WAS RATHER SLIM
'N' SO I LEARNED IT
ON MY OWN.
I WENT TO NIGHT SCHOOL.

verse 3:
LOUIE WAS A LIFEGUARD,
WHO RULED THE RIVIERA.
HE'D WATCH ME FROM THE STAND.
BUT I FOUND HIM WITH LUCY,
A SWIMMER FROM SOUTH HAMPTON,
WHILE BREAST STROKING
IN THE SAND.
SO, TO MAKE HER
LESS ATTRACTIVE
AND LESS ACTIVE
ON THE BEACH,
I SHOWED THEM BOTH
HOW CHEATING LEADS TO WAR.
unpitched patter:
I PUT A HANDSOME ACTOR
IN A TOWEL IN HER BEDROOM.
WHEN LOUIE CAUGHT HIM
IN THERE,
WELL,
I THOUGHT I'D SEE A FIGHT.
BUT INSTEAD,
I SAW THE TOWEL
JUST GO FLYING
OUT THE WINDOW.
sung:
NOW A MAN
WITHOUT HIS CLOTHES,
I LIKE IT FINE,
BUT LOUIS LIKES IT MORE!

Chorus 3:
THANKS
TO MY PERFECT PLAN,
HE FOUND THE MAN
OF HIS DREAMS!
SO WHEN IT SEEMS
SOME HUSSY TRIES
TO BUTT IN
WHERE SHE DOESN'T BELONG,
I WILL STOP HER
WITH A PLAN,
A CUTE,
BUT BRUTAL PLAN,
FOR ONCE,
MY PLAN
WILL NOT GO WRONG.